Thoughts in the Summer
by Please user another name
Summary: Harry thinks about his life.. and some other stuff. Might be Oneshot. First Fic so please R


The boy with dark hair and a skinny frame woke up screaming. His hand shot out and grabbed his glassed off the bedside table and placed it on his nose, only to find it slipping off again. Only then he noticed that he was covered in sweat.

He had another nightmare.

They come every night now and only when he worked himself to exhaustion did he get a night of peace. It was hard.

It was hard ever since Sirius went. Hard since his godfather was thrown into the Veil by Lestrange. He had hated Lestrange then but now it was lowered to a dull roar.

His godfather, the only true family that he have, is gone. Now he felt truly alone. Alone because of Voldemort, because of that damned prophesy. The prophecy that turned what could've been a perfect childhood and life, to what he had now.

Relatives who hated him. Living the first ten years in the cupboard under the stairs. Enduring endless chores set by his Aunt and vocal torments from his Uncle.

And then, without even knowing that he was a wizard until the week before, he attended Hogwarts.

With a whole new world being pushed into, he suddenly found out that he was famous. In a lifetime of neglect by his Aunt and Uncle, the wizarding world was too much for an 11 year old with no previous knowledge and no preparation for being the boy who lived.

Everyone staring at his scar, introducing themselves, Harry found that he was unfit for the wonders of fame and fortune. Indeed, he loathed the attention. But no one gave him a break. Just because he didn't fucking die under the killing curse. He often used to wonder if his life would've been better if he had died. If the wizarding world would've been better.

He cost so many lives already. But of course, the stupid prophecy wouldn't let him die. Not until he had killed Voldemort of be killed by him.

He had a lot of time to think this summer but thinking about all the lives that he was unable to save, Cedric, Sirius.. brought a stinging pain to his heart.

&Dream&

Cruel laughter filled the air as the Crucio spell flashed towards a small girl no older than four. Crimson eyes drank heartedly in her screams.

It was foul. Harry could only watch, unable to do anything to help as his loyal Deatheaters formed a circle surrounding a family of Muggles – the mother already dead, lay in a puddle of her blood by the doorstep, the father was critically injured with a knives sticking out through his body and a little girl with eyes of the brightest blue. So sparking, even a little like Dumbledor's. They each were having a go at torturing them.

Their house was in flames. HIS mark in the sky. The trees alight, the winds howling as if angered by the cruelty they were showing tonight.

The man that has to be the father spoke out through the pain.

"Why are you doing this? We have done nothing wrong."

Voldemort strode out to him.

"You want to know what you did wrong? You were wrong because of the simple fact that you were born muggles. Your daughter, while not a disgusting muggle like you is a mudblood. I consider them even fouler, the taint as you can call it, in our society."

"Now, Crucio!"

&end of dream&

Harry Potter woke screaming alongside the muggle who was tortured 500 miles away. Panting, he dries his face with the sleeve of his pajamas and recounted the dream.

There. There was another family he failed. He should've been there tonight. Fighting for the family and the little girl with brilliant blue eyes.

The next few weeks past without incident and on July the 16th Harry woke yet again covered in cold sweat and a prickling scar.

There was five more days till his birthday. He would be sixteen and this year would probably be no different that the last.

The Dursleys won't give him anything of course and Ron and Mione would send in their gifts by owl, as would Hagrid, Mrs Weasley and maybe a few others.

Harry was looking forward to it. It would present a pleasant break to his musing.

There were still a few weeks until the start of Hogwarts. Truth was, he was dreading the fateful September the 1st. It wasn't as though he liked the Dursleys, even if they treated him better, it was that he wasn't ready to be around people again.

To hear them talk of their holidays, seeing who had the most chocolate cards. It was unnerving to think that he was once like them.

Like children.

For that is what they are. They have no worries except for homework and girls. They do not have the fate of the world resting on their shoulders. No need to be on their guard all the time, fearing an attack from Voldemort or the Deatheaters. No need to risk their lives year after year on foolish adventures. One of which got the last remaining member of his family killed.

No.

And they think that they can all be like him can they? They have no idea what it feels like. No words can express how much loneliness someone could fell when they're famous.

The helplessness he could feel to watch every night, unable to do anything as Voldemort and his followers attacked again and again.

People look up to you to find someone to give them hope. Because yes, he was the wizarding and muggle world's only hope.

He is only a boy but no one cares. A boy who never asked any of this to happen. A boy who would gladly trade his life for another's.

All he ever wanted was to have a loving family. Someone to call mum and dad. No one did care and no one will ever care. What is the life of one person compared to the whole world? It is nothing.

He was a boy, true. But he was the boy who could defeat the Dark Lord.

----

Hello everyone. I mainly use FF to read other ppl's work but today, my internet crashed so I decided to write my own. This is mainly a write as I go piece so I have no promised chapter in the future. This even might be a one shot so I really don't know.

Anyway, this is my 1st fic so I would appreciate it if you would send in your reviews.

If I were going to continue, I would need at least 5 reviews. I will be checking everyday but I will not continue until I get proof that someone is reading my fic. -.- If, after 2 weeks there is still no reviews, I will leave the story as a one shot. But if there is 1 or more, I might still update the 2nd chapter.

If people wish me to go on, there will be no chapter titles as I really suk on story titles and my chapters would mainly be shortish but posted 2 or three at a time. (except of this chapter)

The date now is the 3rd of Jan 2006 (happy belated new year) but I don't know when I am going to post this.

And yes. I will only be responding to questions and suggestions but something like "good job" is also appreciated.

So… read and review! Many thanks.


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